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Re: From Daughter of a Schizophrenic Mum - A poem (if anyone else relates)

Hi @Shasan 

 

How are you?

It has been a while since we connected. I wanted to reach out and let you know that our conversation meant something to me & touched me in a profound way.

 

Thankyou for mentioning supports, perhaps I will speak to counselor one day. For now I am comfortable working through my thoughts in my own way. I do appreciate your kindness & willingness in suggesting options to find me supports. Thankyou♥️

 

I have been doing a lot of thinking since we last spoke. I don't want to barrage you with all my problems! I will say that some things I had been denying, were no longer deniable since our interaction. To find someone else, as yourself, who was able to validate what I had been suspecting and also yearning validation for, has had a somewhat cataclysmic effect on my life! I am profoundly happy for it & feel deep gratitude for the chance encounter we were able to experience. On the other hand, it has left me with a great pile of crap😄 I have to find places for, & tidy. Loose ends, that I had allow to go unnoticed for too long.

 

I think I have uncovered the source of fear, also that I mentioned. It is different than your interpretation, although I do value your thoughts on the matter, as it has given me an alternative view that I also think is helpful and valid.

 

I won't go into anymore. I'm not sure I'm ready to 'write it out loud.' Also, I don't want to overwhelm you, as I think the topic we are discussing is really very heavy & small amounts here and there, might be easier to process.

 

I hope you are well. Thankyou for taking time to read. If you ever feel like talking through some of your issues, I am happy to be an ear for you. I don't know if you feel the same, I feel talking to you easy because I think we have similar parental experiences, that may be hard for others to understand. 

 

In the same grace you gave me, take as long you need to respond. And if you don't respond at all, that is fine too! I am grateful for chance to connect.

 

Thanks @Shasan ☺️♥️

 

Maddison

 

 

 

 

Re: From Daughter of a Schizophrenic Mum - A poem (if anyone else relates)

@maddison Helloooo! 🙂

 

Thank you for your note. I've been doing okay, better than a few weeks ago. How are you going? How have things been this week for you on the healing front?  ❤️

 

It's so good to connect with you too - I feel grateful and supported too and share similar sentiment about the chance encounter.

 

I feel like I know you, even though we just met 🙂 Thank you for offering support if needed, I'll be sure to reach out, much appreciated and I'm sure you know I'm right here anytime you need me as well - perhaps sharing the latest bits on our mind if it feels safe and comfortable to do so as that could lead to further validation, may be? 

 

I agree, the slow and steady approach is 100% more sustainable. I read this somewhere the other day - slow is the fastest way to get somewhere 😂 definitely true for any healing, especially relational trauma (fancy word for childhood trauma). 

 

I hear you about the positive power of validation and genuine empathy, especially from someone who's been in a similar situation - it's incredible and life-changing indeed. I often go to Google for this, but glad i now have this forum 😁 I read approx. 330 million ppl in the world are affected by schizophrenia - Wow! and so little information about it for carers and the patients.

 

I'd like to share a little background about me if that's ok as it might add to the overall context 😊 My study and work is in the field of trauma sensitive mindfulness and psychology. So, I'm very close to these topics and my study brings me into contact with facing my own fears, constantly + has taught me tools to notice and observe them as they rise, move and pass. It's overwhelming at times and I go through the cycle of mildly depressive symptoms + anxiety loops (but now can finally find humour in it and notice my mind at work 😂 It's just what minds do coz it's so out of its comfort zone).

 

Every single time, I've learnt one thing (& still learning and practicing) - It seems like a massive scary hill to climb, once I muster up the courage to start, with every step the fear starts dropping away little by little and slowly and gradually, it builds a feeling of empowerment & self-efficacy - That knowing that I'm not alone in this and I have all the resources and tools that I need. I have overcome these things without much information as a child, I can definitely do it better as an adult with so much more knowledge and support at my disposal.

 

If something comes up for me, I usually note it down and take it to therapy - I've tried doing it on my own but realised it was just beyond my capacity & took way too long. I'm so inspired to hear you're feeling confident to deal with it on your own - That's the best way as long as it's helpful as it truly builds the confidence even further 💪 I wish you all the very best @@mafd

 

So grateful for community, for heart-centric people and their ability to empathise and relate, for check-ins from amazing humans like you and others here and for so much more!

 

I'm not alone in this. 🥲🥰🙏🏽

 

 

 

 

 

 

Re: From Daughter of a Schizophrenic Mum - A poem (if anyone else relates)

Hi @maddison ❤️

 

Just saying hi 🤗 Hope your week has started off well. 

 

I've been struggling with depression this week, but feel a bit better today as I took some support from my hubby who helped create an action plan and taking action is helping slowly rise out of depression. 

 

Hope you're doing okay x

Re: From Daughter of a Schizophrenic Mum - A poem (if anyone else relates)

Hi @Shasan 

 

How are you going? Thankyou for having the strength and vulnerability to share with me. I'm happy to know you feel a little better today, & that you have wonderful hubby for support. Try to take it slow, & be gentle with yourself💗

 

It must be some kind of crazy spiritual sister fate, that you you reached out to me today. I have spent half the day thinking of you!!! I was planning on sending you message tomorrow & have been processing & working out my thoughts.

 

Very briefly - after having discovered source of my fear that I was telling about, I had further revelation, hypothesis regarding specifics of the source. I believe that your comment about 'climbing the hill & the fear slowly dropping away each time' was a great encouragement for me💜 I have never really had someone support and understand me like that.

 

It is getting late for me now. Have a lovely week & I hope you will feel strong, happy & calm very soon.☺️ chat soon. 💕💗💕

 

 

Re: From Daughter of a Schizophrenic Mum - A poem (if anyone else relates)

Hi @maddison Good morning 🌅

 

I'm feeling so much better today, slowly getting back to my self-care routine and it's always nice to read supportive messages on here.. Thank you for your wonderful words, they are very uplifting ❤️

 

That's an incredible update! Thank you for letting me know and sharing your journey with me. It's great to hear that there have been further insights & revelations and that they are helping with root cause clarity. 🤗 I'm so happy for you and admire your strength. It's also very inspiring to see your awareness through this all & still being able to carry on with your present life, needs as well as supporting others here - wow! 

 

I wish you further clarity and closure sister ❤️

 

Is this source of fear related to the mother wound? As always, I'll mention tools that others generously shared with me and I use now just fyi, if you feel like they might help or resonate with you, please feel free to try if time and situation allows 🤗

 

So, journaling has been a savior for me especially in the discovery/closure phase. There's this process called automatic writing. We just put pen to paper and write whatever flows - it's important to use feeling words to get the most out of this activity (finding the right feeling itself was 1000 times validating haha. There's a really nice feelings list that can be downloaded from Google images). The writing process connects us with our feelings beyond the thoughts, it allows us to validate our experience and we end the note by bringing compassion to this part of us that trusted us and revealed itself (my inner child that was unheard,unseen mostly in my case) and writing all the positive qualities that was displayed by us or this version of us in this process. It came also accompany wisdom/learnings that came out of this situation. For example, my friend told me the other day, everything you've been through made me love you and want to be your friend 🥲😍 (Most times, it's best to shred the note unless you'd like to process it further.)

 

There's another activity that's writing a letter to that person. I wrote a letter to my mum explaining to her everything I couldn't tell or express - it was very freeing. It's ok to allow emotions knowing we're in a safe place and it's only for our own viewing. It's really good to read this letter out at the end of it & sometimes leads to clarity, next steps. Letter isn't typically sent and can be symbolically shredded or maybe planted in the soil with a plant to signify growth or some other symbolic gesture that might feel intuitive at that point. 🙂 (I've also safely burnt some letters to others coz burning bridges 😂).

 

I'm sure you already know all the answers that you need to know, sister.. They're in their and I'm sure you'll receive them as and when you need it.  You're intuitive, brave and beautiful x 

 

Lastly, would it be better if I start a new thread.. just wanted to check if the title of the post is unnecessary trigger/stress. For me, it's acting as a way to desensitize myself to the term and situation - very interesting indeed!! 

 

Love & kindness 

 

Take care 💕

 

Re: From Daughter of a Schizophrenic Mum - A poem (if anyone else relates)

Thankyou @Shasan 

 

I'm so happy to read that you are feeling much better today!

 

Thankyou for the beautiful, practical suggestions, & thankyou for in depth explanation of 'feelings letter.' Whether or not I use these tools, I feel sense of looking forward by reading them. It is a gift to have suggested resources I can access. Almost like you have stocked my mental health medicine cabinet! ☺️💜 Thank U!💗

 

Thankyou also for the beautiful compliments. It really helps to lift my self esteem.

 

Re: the title of thread. I am totally open to changing it, starting new thread. I guess for me it's about..."you're not who you think are". Lol, or something along those lines. That sounds silly though, I don't suggest we use that, brainstorming, 😄

 

What is it about to you?

 

Oh, and yes, you are indeed correct regarding subject matter🙂

 

Thankyou. 

Enjoy your day💜

 

 

Re: From Daughter of a Schizophrenic Mum - A poem (if anyone else relates)

@maddison love all the examples and analogies/metaphors??? I am forever confused with those two ha ha. 

 

Ohh lovely title idea...  How about Growing self-love through healing relationships? Too intense? I'm one of those ppl who is mostly intense ha ha... Happy to reword or choose your suggestion.. 

Re: From Daughter of a Schizophrenic Mum - A poem (if anyone else relates)

I think your title is perfect:ok_hand:

 

I support your great idea to start new thread. Perhaps more members can benefit &/or provide skills & ideas to promote self love.

 

It could also be a space to share some parts of one's story, that have not been voiced before. Is this your vision too? 

 

Intense is fine with me💗👍 & I didn't think that at all.

 

I was going to guess that the statement I used about 'you stocking my mental health medicine cabinet' was an analogy - then I thought that maybe the 'medicine cabinet' is a metaphor? Oh goodness, you are making my brain work!

 

I have slight headache. If you don't hear back from me that is why👍💕

 

Chat soon @Shasan 

👋🙂💗

 

 

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