Family Situation

[Rabbitohs2022]

Hi All,

I am a single father. I am finding it difficult to cope with only seeing our three year old son twice a month at a contact centre. My ex-partner left me in December, 2020 and did not want to give me any access at all. I had to go through the family court. Two years has passed and there has been no changes to my supervised visitation.

What can I do? The ex-partner wants nothing to do with me. She doesn't want to give one inch or meet halfway for the parenting arrangements. She does not want me to see our son at Easter, Christmas, birthday etc. I would ideally like unsupervised time when I fly up to Port Macquarie from Sydney. My ex-partner and son now live in port macquarie with the grandparent.

The family court system has been very slow. I feel crushed and overwhelmed. Has anybody else dealt with a similar situation? What do you do when the mother is the primary carer and the father wants to spend valuable time with the child? I haven't had any luck at all. I want to fulfil my role as a father to our son Samuel but I keep getting pushed away.

[AussieRecharger]

@Rabbitohs2022 

Family court situations are complex and good outcomes are usually negotiated out of the courts.  It sounds like your relationship breakdown has led to your partner not wanting to have access to the child and until you can negotiate what those issues are and break those barriers, she is unlikely to give you access.   

I take it you have tried Mediation via the free Dispute resolution services in the courts?   

[Rabbitohs2022]

Thanks for your reply.

My ex-partner will not budge. She has wanted supervised visitation from the start and will not make any changes via consent.

What can I do if I can't change her mind?

This is despite the fact I have done courses to demonstrate remorse for previous violence and anger management behaviour.

[AussieRecharger]

hey @Rabbitohs2022 

It's not an answer I am comfortable with, but it is what it is.  You can keep fighting but ultimately suffering comes from wanting what we can't have.  This is a personal endurance test for yourself, and being kind to yourself is going to be at the core. You can't force someone to change but as you have said, you have made changes in yourself for the better (i hope you see it that way).

What are some of your strengths that your partner used to love about you? What were some of the bigger values you shared?

[Historylover]

I don't have any experience in this area @Rabbitohs2022, but I'm just wondering if you are able to have facetime by mobile, or zoom face-to-face with your son? Even supervised, especially now that you live quite distant? 

Just a thought, but perhaps it has already been disallowed? Sorry I couldn't be more help.

[Rabbitohs2022]

Our three year old son barely speaks at the moment and is getting help through the NDIS. Video calls is not suitable at the moment.

[Rabbitohs2022]

In your experience, have you seen separated mothers change their minds once their child gets older? I don't know what to do. Fathers help with a child's social and emotional development despite any faults they have.

[tyme]

Good evening @Rabbitohs2022 . 

Thank you for sharing your story with us. 

Just a little hint, you can type "@" in front of a member's username so that they receive a notification to read your post e.g. @tyme or @Rabbitohs2022 

Look forward to seeing you around the forums!

[Rabbitohs2022]

Thanks @tyme

[Rabbitohs2022]

@AussieRecharger thanks for your response.

She used to like that I was a hard worker. 

When she left in December, 2020 - she gave me no chance to say goodbye to our son Samuel.

I've produced more than twenty contact centre reports to the Family Court showing I am not a danger to our son but its not enough. The family report writer and the court consultant is against me.

She doesn't want any contact except through solicitors.