Do you feel detatched from everyone around you

[Rusalkin]

@Chris feels like I've hijacked your thread with my story. Not the intention. Thankyou hugely for raising this topic, you made me get really teary & feel instantly " at home" 

[Chris]

You haven't hi jacked the thread. I see it as you are thinking out loud. I still ponder this question.

as time goes on I get this glimmer of awareness. Detachment versus feeling. Feeling equals pain,pain that I think is unbearable. Had enough pain to last a life time. But at the same time I know I miss out on so much.

i keep trying to connect. Lots of frustration, tears and pain, and I get tired of the struggle. I honestly don't know what make me keep trying. Such a paradox.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Chris,

I once read someone that our feelings, and how we behave are reasonable responses to certain social pressures, and events.

Not that I am saying that this is you, but for some people, detaching is a way of coping. Perhaps in some people's pasts being in reality was too painful due to chaotic life circumstances, so detaching oneself may have served as an effective way to get by. The issue though, this way of coping, later on in our lives, in different contexts might create issues, particularly when in relationships, where detachment can impede on connection and intimacy.

It's kind of like what @Rusalkin touched on, different contexts can create different types of psychological strains. As observed by @Rusalkin in more affluent societies people are unhappy and have a desire to need to more, and as @Peter_Pan78 mentioned that there is a certain expectation that we must be happy all the time, but it's also ok, to make space for unhappiness. 

I hope this making sense. What I'm trying to get at is that sometimes, the problems that we face are not  caused by some underlying issue within you, but can stem from things around you too. 

CB

[Peter_Pan78]

I have done a lot of reading about "happiness" from lots of different sources (medical and non-medical). In one book, Happy, by Tony Wellington the author says: 'Mood disorders may be a perfectly valid alarm system of healthy people.' It is quite profound and insightful, made me feel more "normal" put mental illness in a positive context for once.

I found I am at my most healthy "mentally" when I have a book in my hand. Books have always helped me, guided me, helped me to recover time and time again, always kept my mind open to new ideas, new possibilities. For those who enjoy reading I can recommend some really good books (medical & non-medical) that present a positive view of mental health.

[Rusalkin]

The labelling & stigma is what did me over. That's such a great quote @Peter_Pan78. 

There's a longer story, but ultimately, it was ignorance,stigma & shame that did it.  My recovery is from PTS ( order not dis..) so lots of it is about staying grounded rather than dissociating. 

How good is all the more recent research in neuroscience? Not saying it's a cure all, but I find it helps give me focus & hope of  a path out. 

@Chris keep trying because our need to connect as human beings is enormous. Being excluded registers as life threatening to parts of us ( so I've been told) & it's part of how we evolved, belonging to others. 

I have x2 hand reared parrots. One of them goes through massive separation anxiety with me, she'd cry if she had tears. The pair of them miss each other if one is out if the room for too long, they call out or go & check where the other is. They love hanging out at the bird vet boarding when I get away with other parrots & nurses they love. 

Why would we be any different? 

[Appleblossom]

Lovely to hear about your parrots @Rusalkin. 

Longing for company, for love understanding and belonging is part of being human.  it is part of our sexuality.  It involves relationships and society.  It is all connected.

Detachment can be useful and a problem ... it depends...

Detachment to the level where we are dissociated for long periods of time can inhibit our capacity to connect and read social situations.

I was fairly detached as a child ... but I became put off by some therapist's assumptions.  I always had feelings ... it is not an either or situation .. it is often a mixed bag.

Now I am more clear about: 

1) connecting and rapport with others .. socially, family and work

2) connection with self and need to dissociate at times to manage pain levels ... I inform others of this.

3) I did spend many years as a young student in a head oriented space ... but then read Primal Scream and follwed that therapy for 4 years ... and found that I had a lot of feelings.

4) Perhaps due to extreme circumstances I have been unable to control those feelings and present them in a manner mindful of social situation ..  at all times ... eg as in a young mother with small children ... Generally I have fair manner of coping and self control .. so for me not to be able to control floods of tears or anger means that it was serious. 

5) As an older person now I see it as a life long journey of integration.  We can only reflect on so much and integrate it fully into our personality.nnThere is such a thing as too much inflrmation .. or "over stimulation"

6)  it seems managing overstimulation is huge in mood disorders and PTSD. I suspect PTSD is implicit in all mi diagnoses.

7) For me it is work to bring myself back to breathing and awareness and I am committed to that on an on-going basis.

😎  There are always the aspects we cannot control ... often social, health or weather events.  Detachment can be useful and a problem ... it depends...

[Rusalkin]

@Appleblossom A week or so's time. Just away at the moment at a retreat centre doing a yoga course. I'm meant to be being mindful, self aware & off my iPad.But it only officially starts tomorrow, so this is " about to put iPad down for 5 days" post 

😉🎄

[Appleblossom]

Enjoy your yoga  @Rusalkin ... by the time you get back online I will be going offline .. on trip to NSW.

Namaste.

[h2ochild]

I feel very distant from everyone at times. Seems I am goid at helping ither Forgotten Australians byt not that goid at helping myself

[Appleblossom]

Sometimes the links between us are very thin ... I am glad you help out Forgotten Australians ... I am one too .. we are a needy group of people .. but you must have good qualities to be helping ... dont let yourself burn out.  @h2ochild