Comes a time when you stop talking

[WriterMelb]

I’ve stoped talking. Reached out here and crickets.

Had an autistic meltdown at a family get together and now can’t bear to see anyone.

Got the big family get together tomorrow. Been looking forward to this all year,

I’m not going. 

All the presents are wrapped and ready to go.

Im not going.

I have a worker with me all day tomorrow because

Im not going.

Ive managed not to have an austic meltdown with the family for 18 years. One event all has changed everything.I’m not the person they thought I was.

Im not going.

They are scared of me, Im scared of me and what I am. 

Im not going.

The monster inside is me.

I self harm to distract myself to talk normally to my supports and carer. Somehow I manage to put on a good face. All is good I am coping and will get over this. I hide the bruises.18 years of family care is gone in an afternoon.

I’m not going. Ever

Done. This helps to get it out. Now the mask can stay on. Till it can’t.

[Jynx]

Powerful words @WriterMelb thank you for sharing. 

I'm sorry to read that in the past you've reached out here and gotten no response, that is never fun. I'm glad to get a chance to connect with you now 😊

I'm hearing that this meltdown has really shaken you up - because your family aren't able to be understanding and caring/they stigmatise you? If you'd prefer not to go into details that's perfectly fine, no obligation to share unless you want to. Here for you 💜

[WriterMelb]

Thanks. It helps being  able to speak. Can’t speak to my carer. She is up to her ears in organisation. The night will be hard though. I will ring the suicide line later. It’s all become just numb.

[Jynx]

Aww you're welcome @WriterMelb. Yeah for sure I think it's actually really empowering to feel heard and understood. 

When do you see your carer next? Would it be worth messaging anyway just to see if she's got some time to spare?

I hope that you get through to the suicide line lickety split. Ain't no one got time or energy for hold music... lol

If there's anything else you feel like getting off your chest, please feel free - I'm here to listen 💜

[tyme]

@WriterMelb ??? Is that REALLY you? Amazing to see you! Thanks for sharing. 

I'm glad you've been able to post here again. Truly, REALLY happy to see you.

What's been happening?

[TopDeck]

100% agree with you, I talked and talked and talked about my problems and got little out of it. In fact, I'd say opening up to anyone is often times unhelpful at best, and potentially dangerous at worst, especially on the internet.