BPD

[Wiki46]

Greetings. This is my first attempt to using this support base. I have been married for 49 years. My wife was diagnosed with BiPolar some 20 years ago but most of her behaviour is closer to a borderline BPD.  Mostly she has suffered with depression and anxiety but in recent years (3-4) ,behaviours have included episodes of rage as well. We are currently separated (not my choice)and going through a mediation property process. My wife still needs my help in a range of areas and calls on me frequently to assist when stuggleing. Anyway I am trying to develop boundaries to keep me grounded in a very unsettled situation. Thats where I am at.

[AussieRecharger]

Hey @Wiki46 

That sounds like a very complex situation.  Do you have good support around you at the moment?

It sounds like your Wife is dependent on you to help her with her struggles, but do you feel she loves you?  It might be good to define with her what she wants from you at the moment and be specific about what other support options are available if it is no longer reasonable given the changing state of your relationship.

[Wiki46]

Thanks for your reply. I have monthly support by Zoom from a counsellor friend. 2 days ago I established a boundary with my wife by email which I hope will prevent her from critisizing me how I make choices in spending on fuel..If she wants to be separated I need her to let go of what I do and the decisions I make.

I am trying to adapt while still being required to help her to transition to managing when needing to learn what  is required to budget taking responsibility for her financial affaires. I have been a rescuer over the years and letting go and letting her is fraught with challenges and I feel for her moving forward.  I feel for those wounded with mental illness. She often seeks help and several times threatening to end life. Recently I called the ambulance  when I couldnt respond in the time frame she expected.  

So yes making boundaries is what I have just begun to establish. Thats a big step for me!

[tyme]

Hi there @Wiki46 ,

Nice to e-meet you on the forums.

It is good to hear you are placing boundaries - not only to protect yourself but also for wife's sake.

It certainly is helpful to have someone to talk to about what is happening. 

If you ever feel the need, you are welcome to contact our drop-in line on 1800 187 263 https://www.sane.org/get-support/drop-in-service

We also have a guided service available:

https://www.sane.org/referral

All the best,

tyme

[Wiki46]

Thanks heaps,