A housemate with manic bipolar disorder

[Phoenixrising87]

Hi everyone, so I live with a housemate who has been diagnosed with manic bipolar disorder for the last 7 years atleast. I have lived with him for about 3 years.

Initially it was mutually convenient as we both cannot afford rent on our own. 

Within the 3 years or so he has had atleast 3-4 bad episodes where he ended up in hospital.

He is very set in his ways as he is in his mid 50s and has been hard to deal with (sometimes it's like dealing with a 5 year old).

I know him as a family friend so I battle with myself to just walk away and leave him to be an adult.

He is finally getting the right help and medication. 

He hasn't been working since October/November 2022 and I'm struggling to support us both with him not working or having any income.

My situation is that I'm a 35 year old looking for a place to call my own, which has always been my plan.

I also don't do well when he is agitated or hard to deal with as it sets me off in a negative way.

I've worked hard to bring myself out of a slump with my own mental health as working from him being around my housemste all the time was not great for me at all.

I'd become moody which wasn't ideal.

I'm trying to find a happy medium with him as I find that I'm resenting him. I'm trying to save enough fir a house deposit but it's not possible for me to do this while he isn't working.

I hate that I resent him and am angry about the situation I know it's hard.

But I'm not in a relationship with him nor am I married to him.

I want to be able to know and be reassured that he would have somewhere to live and not become homeless and then end up doing something stupid.

He will be going back to work after Easter but not sure in what capacity.

I'm not entitled to any information about him personally as I'm not his next of kin.

This has been a long roller-coaster ride that I'm wanting to be at peace with.

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Phoenixrising87,

Welcome to the Forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. I just finished reading your post and my heart goes out to both you and your housemate.

I can relate a little to what you are saying as a close family member of mine was diagnosed with bipolar many years ago so I know somewhat the rollercoaster that bipolar can be both as an observer and also an emotional support person. I don't live with this person but I am pretty much their only support person outside their professional team so I get how it can be and how you may have a lot of mixed feelings around this, particularly when you really care about your housemate and also because he is a family friend.

What I have learned over the years of caring for someone with a serious mental health diagnosis is as much as we may want to help there is only so much you can do, so much you can say, so much help you can give. It's really nice that you care so much about your friend and it speaks a lot about you as a person but I would also encourage you to think about yourself and your own needs in all this. The saying `you can't drink from an empty cup' is so very true and whilst it is really nice that you want to help your friend you also have the right to have our own life and needs met. 

There are a couple of organisation that you may like to reach out to that might be able to help you with this:

- Carer Gateway 

- Carers Australia 

The SANE Support Centre is also available to support anyone that needs support from 10am-10pm Monday to Friday. We have counsellors and peer support workers available to support you via phone (1800 187 263) or webchat.

We also have the SANE Guided services which is our new guided service that provides free digital and telehealth services and ongoing tailored support to people over 18 years of age with complex mental health needs and their families and carers SANE Guided Service. Both of these services are free.

Also SANE is having something called Topic Tuesday this coming Tuesday (5.30pm to 7pm) which is basically a live chat. This Topic Tuesday is around being a carer and what that may entail - I have add a link here if you are interested Topic Tuesday.

I wish both you and your housemate all the best. Please reach out for support if you need to as there are some great services out there.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

PS. Just a couple of tips to help you get started on the Forums:

Tip 1 - if you want to directly chat with someone on the Forums use the @ symbol and then start typing their name directly after it. A dropdown box should appear, and you then select their name. This ensures that they are notified of any posts you mention them in.

Tip 2 – the most recent posts are the latest page numbers.