14th year house bound

[Jacques]

Hi @Rosie

I am sorry if i made you upset with my comment about myself, i feel like a failure in society for not being like most of the population some of my cousins up to 10 years younger have homes, partners and all of the things society says you have to have and i can't even buy my own clothes, i own nothing and have to rely on my mother for everything. 

I am so sorry you know someone in my situation, and i really feel for that person, living like this is no way to live.

Sorry i did not mean everyone smirks, it is just the places i go make me feel uncomfortable, i have had family and mums friends make fun of my situation and put me down because they don't understand.  it is not their fault, they have no idea what it is like, but everytime it happens it takes a little more out of you.

No one in the town nor do most of my family know what is wrong with me, i just isolated myself all of a sudden in 2002 and never told anyone why.

The family members that do know are horrified at how bad things are for me, and my future plans.

The poster is beautiful and it is so true, thankyou for trying to make me feel better, i am in a real lull at he moment, one of those "why do i go on" moments.

Take Care

Jacques

[Hobbit]

Hi @Jacques

I am Hobbit, and I am a moderator on these forums. I have read through your posts, and while I can really see you are having such a difficult time, what shines through to me is how deep and expressive you are. Your replies to other members here shows how much of a caring person you are too. 

I just wanted to say that in spite of everything, what I see is some really wonderful qualities, and I think you are a wonderful person.

Maybe this would help you in your panic attacks, knowing that we here on SANE think you are wonderful, and that we are your friends. We are so happy to have 'met' you here, you have friends here.

I hope this helps, Jacques. It should...it's true!!

Take care my friend,

Hobbit.

[kato]

Hi again @Jacques on your post 🙂

I was scrolling through your messages on this post, and i know i haven't commented before, and it is purely because i haven't been able to be in the right headspace to write comments to nearly anyone.... I have bipolar, and the last probably 4 weeks i have been in a pretty heavy depressive cycle.

I see a fair bit of what i go through in what you have written, currently i get fairly anxious regarding going out of the house, i try and go walking with a friend twice a week when possible, other days i will just drive around aimlessly for an hour or so.

What i have found that helps me a little bit, like it has been mentioned already is mindfullness, i have also found Cognitive Behaviour therapy helpful, when i get manic, i listen to music to calm me down, when depressed, i try music to pick me up, when i need to or feel overwhelmed i write, sometimes here, if it's seems too much for here, i write in my journal, write until nothing else comes out, i find that helps, and then reading it the next day, it sometimes sheds light on what i am struggling with.

hope to keep seeing you around

[Jacques]

Hi @Hobbit

Nice to meet you, as a moderator i hope i have not said anything that has broken the rules, please let me know if i overstep the mark, as i am frightened i will say something on here and get booted from this forum too.

i just like to be honest, their is no point trying to sugar coat the truth,  life is what it is, and i know i am not the first to experiance them and i definitly will not be the last.

thank you for such kind words, due to my illness i have no empathy, no feelings at all really, but i remember what empathy feels like and can relate to what a lot of people are saying.

during my many daily panic attacks i read through the forums here and yes they do bring some comfort.

once again thankyou for being so kind, take care

Jacques

[Jacques]

Hi @kato

Please don't be sorry for not posting, i know throguh experiance of my own it is tough to speak to anyone especially when times are tough, thankyou for speakiing to me now though.

i know what it is like, you are lucky i suppose with the bipolar because you have ups as well as downs, i seem to be in a constant depressive state, i have no ups, it would be nice sometimes to feel happy, but this has not happened in a very long time.

It is good you go walking with a friend twice a week, i have to go for a walk every morning before sun rise to get rid of the panic from the night before, i find walking (or pacing the house) helps control to a certain extent the panic.

Driving, well i find it difficult to drive, and panic for days before i have to, but i find once i am out and driving i am better as long as i don't have to leave the car, it is almost like an extension of home. a safe haven.

I don't seem to be able to find anything to help me with the panic attacks, so you are lucky to be able to controll them i make the mistake of listening to depressive music when i am down, but i can't help it, i just cant listen to music that is happy, because it just upsets me more.

It is good you write in a journal, i tried once but found no words, but it is good the way you read it the next day, that is a really good idea, i think i will try again with the journal.

thankyou for writing and i hope to see you around too.

Take Care

Jacques

[Alessandra1992]

Hey @Jacques
Maybe you might like to draw or find pictures in magazines for your journal..sometimes words escape me but images are very helpful in building a picture of what is going on for me..I use my phone a lot to take photos so I can reflect later on why did I find that appealing?
Panic attacks suck, lost count of the number of times I thought I was having a heart attack..crippling..but with help from a mutual peer support group, for me it was Grow, I learned to do other things..I think as my world expanded and contact with other people I found panic slowly subsided. Still occasionally kicks me in the guts but it is OK...these forums help us all to connect don't they? And expand our views of the world just by knowing we are not alone 🙂

[WombatBoots]

@Jacques

G'day Jacques, 

Thank you for writing back

I think we differ in what we see as pathetic

What i think of pathetic would get me on a rant that would probably get me one of "those" emails from a moderator 😉 just joking mods.

Jacques, what i see from you, is a guy that life has given the raw end of a pineapple to, and he's trying his best to deal with it. 

I'd like to give you one of my tricks when it's a "bad day" 

What I do is watch this you tube clip and think to myself, at least I'm not this guy 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIkMUhK-PUY

Thoughts are with you mate, I hope you get a good sleep tonight

cheers

Matt

[Jacques]

Hi @Alessandra1992

that is a good idea, i never thought of that, i often don't want to talk , as i find it very tiresome.

i am shaking os bad tonight, the adrenaline has been going all day and i am starting to "come down" from the adrenalin rush, i had to drive to the next town and go iinto shops today, i can't believe how hard it is, i could not sleep the last two nights because of it and will probably not be able to sleep properly tonight.

i feel so exhausted, i find i have the opposite, the more i go out the more the intents the panic attack. i have been in almost a constant state of panic since christmas, i went on holliday, since then i have gained 40-50KG and have so many more panic attacks from it, i continually eat to the point of throwing up all the time as a source of self harm and things have really gone down hill for me since then.

But you are right knowing that their is others out their with the same problems gives one comfort.

well i will try to exhaust myself early tonight to try and get some sleep.

Take Care

Jacques

[Jacques]

Hi @WombatBoots

Thankyou so much, i really needed the laugh.

that is quit funny and it did take my mind off of the shaking, i have bookmarked it to view at a later date.

I feel so guilty about how bad my life is when their are so many others that have had it a lot worse than me, at least i have a roof over my head and food in my stomach, some people don't even have that.

i am finding it to hard to talk right now, just thankyou again for the laugh.

Take Care

Jacques

[PeppiPatty]

I love going to the dentists. @Jacques hello, how are you tonight ? I came to my ex husbands home to stay the night.....im on the couch while he runs around making sure Arlo my little dog is happy and im resting. Ive got work on tomorrow morning.....

Thankyou for your honesty. Just to let you know, its wonderul  reading the the people who have written to you.....how does that make you feel? 

Is this why you have been able to give me so much care and support ? 

 I shake  too. 

.