14th year house bound

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques

I'm still here it's been so busy with everyone supporting you.

I don't want to bring anyone down. I just feel like I'm losing the battle. It's not one I can fight.

I saw the girls psychologist today so overwhelming, I feel so judged, they don't understand.

Then an appointment with my psychologist who told me she is unable to see me anymore.

I can't do it. 

Not another one, they all give up. Well so can I.

Karen

[Former-Member]

Sounds like it was an awful day Karen.. I've been scared that i'm about to lose my psychologist too because i seem to make such small amounts of progress then go back 5 steps over silly stuff... but we do have to keep battling it out. Don't give up, there are lots of people here for you too. please phone the callback line if you're feeling really unsafe, it scares me that you are saying that you want to give up. please look after yourself, you deserve to be happy and to have a life worth living,

hugs

LJ

[Jacques]

Hi Karen,

Yes you and i have so many friends on here now.

Karen you will not bring me down, i understand you and you understand me, i miss our little chats, i know you are busy and feeling down, so do i.

Karen, they can't understand they have not experianced MI, they can read books and learn from uni's but until you suffer from MI you can't understand.

Karen i am so sorry another person has let you down, please be assured i will never do this to you. i will always be here for you.

Karen you can do it, Please please Karen don't give up, i could not go on without you, your girls need you, and you have come so far, i see so much change in you since we first met, you are so special to me.

Karen please talk to me, listen to some music and do some Mandala, take your mind off the difficult day.

Karen i am always here for you, you know that, good or bad, i don't care, speak to me.

Jacques

[NikNik]

oh @hiddenite
I'm so sorry to hear that you've had an awful day.

I know those appointments with your girls are really tough on you. Do you feel that your girls are benefiting from the sessions?

I'm interested to know more about your psychologist. Did she refer you to someone else - a specialist?

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques

I'm so sorry I just don't have the words, this is the third psychologist to just give up like I'm nothing. I feel so worthless that I'm disposable. I feel so alone and betrayed. 

[Jacques]

I know Karen, just sit with me a little while,

I know how tough it is i have been let down twice by the mental health system, it is so unfair that we get treated the way we do, but we have to fight on and keep looking for support, Karen you are not disposable, you are a wonderful person.

I feel os sorry you are feeling alone, and it must be so tough to be talking about things so intimate to a psycologist just to have them leave you.  it is not fair.

Karen you need ot keep searching, your 2 girls need you, you need support and it is out their somewhere, i don't know where, but it is out their.

You know i would never leave or betray you Karen, i know it is just 2 strangers talking, but i feel so close to you, like we are sitting in the same room when we talk, i miss you when you are not able to talk, you are the light of my day, you are wonderful, you should get respect from all that treat/help you.

Jacques

[Appleblossom]

Maybe it is the other person @hiddenite ..... did they give a reason ... or a referral ... say you should try a clinic or psychiatrist ... some of them are not equipped or honestly qualified to take on complex stories ... they honestly do not have the knowledge and shouldnt be taking your time or your money if they cant help you or make sort of commitment .... to see things through ... the structure should be a professional for the kids and a professional for the mum ....

I have been so disturbed and in pain that I could not talk through a few sessions ...it was uncomfortable for them but ... I was trying .... once I ran out of the room in a panic but then sheepishly came back ....they should be able to handle quite a few variations on the human condition if they are presenting and paid as experts ..

[hiddenite]

Hi Nik

The girls psychologist wants them to take part in a double blind research. It looks at helping them with their trauma. I don't want this to happen I don't want one child to benefit and not the other. They are not listening to me and putting a lot of pressure on me to agree, they won't accept that I don't want the girls to be put through it.

My psychologist has put me with someone else. I don't know them or met them. I can't trust, again. I am unable to make eye contact with people and shake with anxiety. It's gets so bad I can't even talk.

I will not make the mistake of trusting anyone again

[Jacques]

Karen you are the girls mother, yo do what is right for them, not what profesisonal want, they should not be putting you under so much pressure, it is very unprofessional of them to do so.  they can't force you to do anything, you have the final say.  do what is right for the girls Karen

[hiddenite]

That's the problem Jacques

I don't know how to stand up for myself. That's why I'm no good for the girls, they deserve better. Not a pathetic weak mum like me.