14th year house bound

[kristin]

Hi @Jacques

I read a wonderful quote on Twitter today. "Turn your wounds into wisdom". I think that is part of what we help each other to do here on this forum.

I'm pretty shattered at them moment, I've decided to have an early night. My 7yo is unwell (and chicken pox has been at school) so I'm hoping she's ok. I'm quite worried because I've had chicken pox, and there's a history of shingles and other problems in my family. I guess I just need to park this one in the mindfulness pending tray, and hope it doesn't eventuate!

I'm reading the Father Brown Mysteries at the moment. I am finding them perfect for pre-sleep reading. They are interesting enough for me to want to read but not so exciting or triggering that I can't put it down or sleep. I read quite a lot on psychiatry/child development/trauma etc too. But mostly that's not great bedtime reading if I want to sleep!

Take care of you.

Kind regards,

Kristin

[Jacques]

Hi Kristin,

you may be right about the quote, learned experiances make us stronger, and give us empathy towards others, sometimes we need to see that our problems are a way for us to help others in a similar situation with similar experiances.

I am so sorry to hear that your daughter is unwell, i hope she gets better soon, my father had shingles once and it was terrible to witness.  oh the joys of school hey.

i am reading Cyclops by Clive Cussler at the moment, i have read most of his books and just finishing off the last couple.  my favourite book of al time is George Orwell 1982, it is a good read and is so true of todays society (even though it was written a long time ago) i know what oyu mean about not going to sleep, some times when i am reading i start in early evening then i look at the clock (what seems like 30min) and it is early morning.

do you have any hobbies other than reading? i do some gardening and building,  trying to tech myself woodwork and gardening, some plants live, some die, but i am getting better at it.

well i had better go

Take care

Jacques

[kristin]

Hi @Jacques

Thanks. My little girl seems to be a bit better, maybe she's just worn out like me. 

I really like 1984 too, frighteningly true in many ways - although I have recently added Aldous Huxley's Brave New World to my book wish-list after reading a bit about it. I think BNW sounds like he was even more spot on - as I understand it basically world control is not through duress but more through addiction to materialism.

I try to do a bit of gardening, but I struggle to get out there enough. I also do art - painting/collage/a bit of ceramics - and write, poetry mostly. I enjoy knitting too, but haven't done any for several years. My favourite hobby when I was younger was horse-riding. Back then I used to work on weekends at the place I agisted my horse in exchange for his agistment fees, I had a full-time job in retail ts well. I really miss working with horses. My little girl has just started doing Equine Assisted Therapy, which has brought up a lot for me too. I am hoping to start soon with it myself, but at a different place to my daughter.

It sounds like you do really well, trying to learn new skills. That can be quite difficult when you don't have someone who knows to show you the ropes. Lots of trial and error.

Take care of you too.

Hope for connecting with others endures...

Kind regards, 

Kristin

[Jacques]

Hi Kristin
I am glad your daughter is feeling better, sometimes we fear the worst before it happens, I do it regularly.

I have heard about brave new world, I will buy it and read it. I have also started reading the long term ptsd site you recommended. Will let you know what I think when I finish.

Wow you habe a lot of hobbies, I would love to hear some of your poetry if you are up to it. I am not very creative and am unable to paint or do creative writing. I seem to have an ability to look at something and know how to make it. I am making some sunlounges at the moment.

My mother used to ride horses and my grandmother had a few race horses. They are such beautiful creatures. We have some riding past our house most weekends I love the sound of them trotting.

I like to learn new things to make myself feel worthy of something. I have had so many people and family call me a bludger and lazy.

Sometimes I am glad I am poor, I see so many people who are addicted to buying things they don't need to show off. I feel so sorry for them.

Anyway I had better go.

Take care

Jacques

[Jacques]

Hi Kristin,

i have read the link you recommended to me, i do fit the criteria for complex PTSD, but i don't know i have read about most mental illnesses and i usualy have about 90% of the symptoms. all i know is on most mental health sites i have visited over the past year, they all say i have severe anxiety and depression.

i hope everything is going ok with you, and your daughter is getting better.

I went ot the dentist on monday, i was in such a panic i forgot what was wrong with my tooth and struggled to understand what they were asking me, it happens a lot to me, i just fell so overwhelmed when i have to go anywere that i forget things.  i am more focused on the panic attack than my surroundings.

Take Care

Jacques

[NikNik]

Hi again @Jacques
Looks like you're finding your way around the Forums 🙂

Good on you for getting out to the dentist... I think going to the dentist is one of the highest ranked anxiety-provoking activity ANYONE can do!!

I reckon dentists have seen more people have anxiety attacks than psychologists!
It would have taken a lot of courage to go!

How did things end up? Did they sort out your tooth?

[Jacques]

Hi @NikNik,

yes i have found some poems i like, struggle to leave messages though.

yes i was in a panic for 3 hours before i had to go, not anxiety about the dentist but sitting in the waiting room, being near other people, and the unknown. pain does not bother me, it is one of the few times that i know i am alive, i am usually so numb, i feel nothing, sometimes it gets scary not having any feelings, most of the feelings, sadness, anger, etc, i have to remeber what they were like because i have not felt them for such a long time.

The dentist was very shocked i got several panic attacks per day, and she told me not to clench my teeth because i am damaging my teeth, i have already cracked two teeth from panic attacks, but it is so hard to remember not to do it when you are in the middle of a panic attack.

anyway the problem was solved and i have no more problems. 

Thankyou so much for being interested in my health, it is much appreciated.

I have been shaking a lot lately, maybe because i have had to leave the house a few times this week.

The panic attacks are also bad through the night, seems like my medication is having less of an effect.

Take Care

Jacques

[Former-Member]

Hi @Jacques

I have the same problem wiht my teeth, i constantly clench, I think thats also why i get terrible headaches all the time, i've tried to stop but its so hard! i dont even notice i'm doing it most of the time!  i havent been to the dentist in years though lol! you're braver than i am. I hate pain and the dentist has always been very painful for me. 

LJ

[Jacques]

Hi @Former-Member

I Thoguht i was the only one with this problem, i was terrified about 1 1/2 years ago when i split one of my back teeth in half, requiring extensive rebuilding,  i also get so may headaches, i used to take a lot of neurofin but it has damaged my kidney and liver and now can't take them.

Thankyou for giving me some reassurance that i am not the only one, i feel so alone with this terrible illness, i see everyone have some sort of life, or have experianced some sort of life, i would have been happy having experianced some of my adult life, but it was not to be.

sorry but i am in one of my low moods.

Take Care

Jacques

[Former-Member]

It's never too late for anything or anyone! i read about a 92 year old lady who flew a plane the other day for the first time in a long time (she flew planes in world war 2 i think it was!! I'm so crappy at the details of things i read!) BUT! she there she was flying a plane! People have huge potential and power, we just have to keep holding on to hope for each of us to achieve our best potentials! Haha.. i kind of feel a little bit hypocritical in writing all that because I dont really feel it for myself today, but i guess i do have some hope somewhere despite my conscious brain trying to hold me down with its crappy thoughts. I think i saw somewhere on here someone had written if we continue to do what we always have done, how can we expect anything to change? and i guess its a bit like that... you went out to the dentist today, it was really hard and scary waiting in the office but you were able to do that. Its not something you did yesterday. Keep building, keep thinking as many kin thoughts of yourself as you can, and know that there really are people who can relate to how you feel (even if we can't really get in each others heads and understand completely!)

I'm telling myself to stop rambling crap now!

Be gentle with yourself,

LJ