How long

[Former-Member]

How long does the war go for, is there a limit? As a human how long does people expect to watch you try and not drown and when is a valid time to call it and give up

I am really trying, I wish others could see, I wish my efforts were meant with some traction that gave me a finish line but I fear I'm running out of any luck

My body's tired, my heart is physically aching, the defeat sinks deeper in everyday and I wander for how much is one person expected to take

I've searched for answers and understanding to know why I am here in the first place because humans treating other humans like this has to be a mistake

I have questioned my sanity often, am I delusional, surely right? Everyday is not a day but it's the hours and minutes I feel slowly taking the hope from my soul

I can't find solutions or get timelines and I am truly perplexed how others expect you to keep trying when you are constantly hit and answers are unknown

I'm losing the sight of what the purpose and meaning of this life is and how humanity deals cards so unequally, I thought I was a good person and now I don't know

If there is an explanation, an expectation of the remaining fight, please tell me, o will take anything to have some kind of affirmation I won't forever be alone

[Ru-bee]

@Former-Member I want you to know that we see how hard you're trying, how much strength it takes to keep yourself afloat. I know how much courage it takes to keep reaching out here and to keep on going even when things are so uncertain.

I'm hearing that going through this is causing you to lose some of your view of what the purpose and meaning of life are, and I'm wondering if you could share what these have been for you in the past?

I know you feel alone in this, I'm here with you ❤️

[Former-Member]

I think I'm finally doing no dv service has helped and said only hospital since November I'm fading and no one understands that I'm doing the meditation the cbt but when you are in constantly getting poked it's hard to really have it work. 

my niece saw me today she lives next door and the adults have taken contact away. Before my disabled I basically half raised them. I'm guessing they didn't expect me to come out because she was here and she saw me and went to embrace me like she always has and she was told don't touch aunty your not allowed anymore and she sank just now she risked it all to  one give me  cuddle and ask when I will be better so she could see me again I realised they are being hurt here and I've always protected them so I'm putting my brave on to protect their little hearts and find healing for us all. They deserve that and I do. Now trying to calculate a plan 

[Ru-bee]

Of course, @Former-Member sometimes things like meditation and CBT can help, but other times they are limited in how much of an effect they can have if the root cause can't be addressed. 

That must have been so hard see your niece but not be able to hug her, my heart really goes out to you

When you say that you need to calculate a plan, can you elaborate on what you mean by that?