Lived Experience Forum

[florencefifty]

In my last post, I mentioned that I got fired. I accepted the offer of a new job today, to start in a couple of weeks. That was quick, huh?!

Well, it could have been so much quicker. I applied for another job, and I nailed the interview. They give everyone a score out of 100, and I got 81.5.

However, when I got to references, they called me and said that they won't be going ahead, because my previous manager gave me a harsh reference. He read it out to me and it made me feel sick. To his credit, I don't think he agreed with the decision to pull me.

I asked the guy whether I should use her as a reference in the future, and he said that he can't comment on that, but that I did the right thing in being honest, because they wanted someone who had managed me professionally, and I have only had like two managers in my life.

It really annoys me. I e-mailed her letting her know that I was in the final stages with this company. It's a well-respected company, and I said "I'll be honest, if I get an offer, this is the one I'm going to pick."

What does she get out of giving me a harsh reference? When you fire someone, you know that they are going to ask you to provide a reference for their next job. You know they are much less likely to get a job with a harsh reference. 

Trust me, I am happy to get the opportunity I have now, and I am excited. It's still more money than I was making before, which is fun LOL. But the role I got knocked back for paid even more still, and it would have been [...] awesome.

It's interesting from a psychological perspective, though. You could be the best candidate for the role, but if you do poorly in the interview, they'll knock you back. There are so many ways an interview can go wrong.

You could be nervous, because you've had too much coffee that morning. You could be late. You could tell a joke and get a tough crowd. It doesn't mean you can't do the job.

You could be the same candidate and be a little more prepared and get the job. Same candidate. Which is funny, because both of the jobs I have gotten, I thought the interview wasn't good, and I got the job.

I get it. You can't live every life all at once. You can't have a lifelong healthy relationship with everyone that you're attracted to. You can't pick every job that's a good fit for you. It's reality. But it's a sad reality. Is this making sense to anyone?

I am really looking forward to getting started, and I'm glad I was able to find something so quickly.

[tyme]

How exciting @florencefifty ! Onward and upwards eh?

To be honest, I've done merit and equity training. If a company doesn't give you a job purely based on a reference, then it tells me something about the company. I contacted a merit and equity board once regarding a not-very-good reference, and was told that the interviewers had every right to contact them but you also have the opportunity to let the panel know the past friction, history of character clash. This forms part of a professional interview panel.

Besides all that, congratulations!!!

[Calico]

Hi, @florencefifty sometimes I'm frustrated and a bit angry with missed opportunities. I have PTSD and my partner C-PTSD, we chose to move far away from the city where 2 trauma events happened. Leaving was the right thing and while moving has given us different opportunities, I miss the life we did have. We are financially worse off and I miss our friends. But we feel safer here, which has given us space to recover in a way we wouldn't have if we stayed. 

[EternalFlower]

Hello there @florencefifty I'm sure that is incredibly hard, especially when you did so well on the testing.

Well done on going through the process anyway. I have a lot to say about missed opportunity.....real struggle for me to accept as well.