Welcome to the Friends, Family and Carers Forum! Introduce yourself here 🙂

[hanami]

Hi @Synthman and welcome!

I'm so sorry to hear your partner is going through that and you are struggling too. It must be so difficult. I've been the one in my relationship to go through that and my husband has been my support. He is very positive and likes to say, everything will be fine, just stop worrying. ARGH, if only it was that easy! I'm sure you know now to say that lol.

I hope some other carers can chime in and help out. Does your partner have supports in place?

Hanami

[Synthman]

Hi @hanami , thanks for the reply! Yes my wife has got support and medication. It's been a slow journey to recovery and she's making progress. The main thing is how to interact with her and not cause conflict. I've had to learn to be patient and agreeing rather than my usual argumentative self. I've made a lot of mistakes but I feel like we're making good progress now. I feel like it's going to be an ongoing thing and it won't just go away this time. I've been reading a lot about mental health and psychosis and trying to fully grasp it.

[Shaz51]

Hello @Synthman 

Hello and welcome to the forum 

Sending you lots of understanding hugs as I have had to learn and still learning what to say and when to say things 

Pleased ask me any questions you may have 

@Determined  @tyme , @hanami , @Jynx 

[Jynx]

Hey @Synthman good to have you with us! 

Got some Tips & Tricks here if you wanted to have a looksie! And as @Shaz51 said pls don't hesitate to reach out to us if you need anything 😊

[Synthman]

@Shaz51 Yes, just dealing with her paranoia and trying to both comfort her yet not oppose any of your views. The doctor has said that it's about time, reducing stress and keeping busy with other things. I guess we just have to keep at it

[Shaz51]

@Synthman 

Coping Toolbox ( what is in yours to help you cope ) is a good thread to clink onto 

Do you have hobbies or things that you like doing ? 

It is very important to look after ourselves too , I am still learning to do this 

[Synthman]

@Shaz51 Yes I do have hobbies. The main thing I'm trying to do is keep my wife busy otherwise she sits and over thinks everything.

[dug]

Hello all. 

Exhausted, frustrated, sad mum of 24 year old daughter with BPD, anxiety, depression and potentially ADHD here.

Very intelligent young woman and in the rare occasion she is not splitting, she is a funny, caring and loving person. 

Not sure how to continue with her at home as the verbal abuse, lies, accusations and general mayhem is getting worse.  My heart breaks for her but she is unwilling to help herself. 

She tells me its all my fault, I don't help her enough, I need to make sure she eats well, has clean clothes and be there for her at the drop of a hat. Doesn't like that I have a career, husband, life or even 5 minutes to myself. 

Has self harmed, claimed suicidal actions and made threats. The police and ambulance services have been involved. She is always compliant with them, then nothing changes. 

I want to run away.  

[tyme]

Hey @dug ,

I'm hearing you. I can't share much from the perspective of a carer, but I can share from the perspective of a borderline. 

As much as your world is in turmoil, and you want to run away, I feel your daughter feels the same. However, she can't run away from herself. 

I hear your struggles in having to be the target of her mental health. I'm sorry to hear this and I recognise this must be incredibly difficult for you. 

I can relate to so much of what your daughter is doing. In the past, I hurt all those closest to me. I blamed everyone else. Yet after moving away, I realised my troubles followed me. The more I tried to run, the worse I got. It took time, but in the end, I realised I needed help. I couldn't blame any one anymore as I'd moved away from everyone I knew. 

Being diagnosed in my early 20s, I didn't start intensive therapy for BPD (or I wasn't ready until then) until I was in my early 30s! 

BPD is very treatable, but the person must be willing and ready to put in the hard work. 

Remember, it is NOT your fault that she is like this. I also had depression and anxiety with my BPD. When my BPD was treated, the depression and anxiety slowly fell away. However, antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds helped me to be ready for therapy.

As a carer of someone with BPD, PLEASE set your boundaries. If she is ever abusive to you, please protect yourself. Trying to reason with a borderline while they are triggered isn't often very helpful. The brain has already completely switched to the emotional brain and the reasoning brain is close to non-existent during these times.

Please know you are not alone.

You can call 1800RESPECT for support around the relationship if your daughter if you think it'll be helpful.

If you feel unsafe at any time, please call 000.

We are hear for you. Feel free to visit Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script 

[tyme]

Oh, and @dug , this thread may be helpful too Topic Tuesday // Supporting loved ones living with BPD // Tuesday 25th January, 7pm-8:30pm AEDT