Schizophrenia and responsibilties for action TW

[Adelle]

I personally am having issues atm with my adult son who suffers from schizoaffective disorder.   He chose to stop medication and ... looooong story is now in custody.  It is so sad, he appears as a lost boy even though an adult.  I am so sad, he is sad, his brother is angry, ashamed, embarrassed and sad.  How cruel is this condition!!!?????

[RublesTime]

@Adelle I'm sorry to hear it. I'll be honest after living with it pretty much permanently for nearly 40 years I do have moments where I find it hard to be empathetic about it. But I really hope that being in custody might help him get back on the right track. Unlike his brother I'm embarrased or ashamed of my father in law, or my mother. But the anger is pretty real, and I feel a little like the world has done both of them a disservice by treating them like people who "can't help it". They can't help it in the moment, that's very real. But I think the reason I'm wanting an apology for some of the crap I've been put through over the last couple of months is that I firmly believe that my father in law has been treated as if there is no consequence for his actions over the years, and so whenever he has had an episode he got the opportunity to just pretend it didn't happen. Which I understand, and relate to. He acts like a cheeky child when confronted with stuff he's done though, and I think that's because of the lack of consequence over the years. Ugh. Sorry, I'm just ranting at 3am instead of going to bed. But I hope the point of what I'm struggling with here is at least seen?

Once again, I hope that your son gets some help that he's able to accept. Take care.

[Adelle]

Hi there, yes it has been many years for us as well.. 35 in fact, and it became worse about 11 years ago after a change in medication, then gradually noncompliance.  

I believe being in custody for what is likely to be a minimum of 2 years has taught him finally to accept being on medication, but who knows.

It has stabilised him at least.  

I agree that many people who suffer from mental illness don't have a level of insight and self care and are somewhat like a recalcitrant child when everything falls apart.

I have "picked up the pieces" so many times, it is tiring, but I am a parent, I love him and will continue to do so.  

My biggest focus is to keep my own mental and physical health in order so as to be a support 

Good luck.. 

[Gwynn]

@RublesTime, there’s this symptom of schizophrenia where it’s like ‘I’m not sick! I don’t need to keep taking my pills!’, I think it’s called anosognosia? Maybe that could also be a factor?

[RublesTime]

@Gwynn in the case of FoL, I don't think so. Even when he's been taking his medication properly, he just refuses to acknowledge his involvement in negative things. For example:

"Oh! Why doesn't she like me? I thought I was a good father."
"As a child you would shove her down the stairs because you were too impatient to wait, and never apologised. When she would complain, you would scold her for talking back."
"Did I? I don't remember that."

"Even if you don't remember it, it happened."
"But I was a good father." *walks away*

another good example was when we were playing him back the voicemails of the things he had said about us, accusing us from everything from infidelity to changing his bank account details, he just looked at the phone and stared at us blankly. "I don't remember doing that." *walks away* 

He will go and do something else in these situations, not walk off to be alone and be upset. I should point out, he *is* capable of being quite visibly sad about things. I've been him weep openly listening to sad music, he's cried watching sad television. But if he does something wrong, he won't admit fault, and even giggle like a kid when he's caught doing something wrong. Mum was similar, I remember once when she ruined our dinner at a restaurant (literally had a sudden flurry of anger and upended the table's food) she was giggling and not acknowledging what happened. Like a kid who'd been caught out.

[Adelle]

@RublesTime It is such a difficult and selfish disease.. like alcoholism in many ways..  Blame the disease aka "it wasn't my fault"

In my situation, My son will more than likely comply with medication and lead a full life when he is released.  The experience of his last episode  and being in  jail has been his rock bottom (I say this with fingers crossed of course)

I used a counsellor through ARAFMI (you get 5 free sessions). I wasn't sure about this, but I did have 3 sessions and found it helped me.

I had alcoholic parents// wicked uncles who did the wrong thing by me as a child// a violent manipulative alcoholic husband, and then the mental illness of my son..  ALL these situations are pure madness, but I learned I could never change them, just change the way I respond rather than react.

Reach out and chat/ vent whenever you feel like it.