Feeling Lost

[Mum_3]

How do you continue to help your child when at every turn they push you away and blame you for everything that doesn't go to their plan.

My 33 year old daughter had her first child when she was 19 and now has 4 children ranging in age from 14 to 7. Her relationship with the father of the 4 children has been on/off for the last 15 years, they are currently living apart and continue to torture each other mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically.

[SJT63]

@Mum_3 

I'm surprised no one has replied to you yet. Sorry about that.

I have no insight to offer other than the fact that my 29 year old son won't have much to do with me either and I've just had to learn to live with it.

I hope others with similar experiences can help

[Donna63]

I feel for you.  Is your daughter having any treatment?  On meds? 

My daughter is almost 21 and I'm at breaking point.  7 years of extreme behaviour.  Miserable, scared and stressed when they cut you off and fragile, stressed when they are at home.  Mine was only diagnosed last year, also has depression, anxiety, PTSD and awaiting diagnosis for ADHD.  

I don't have much advice.  When my daughter was gone for a year or so, I sent her a heart emoji once a month to let her know I was still here and she knew she could rely on my support.  There's not much we can do but keep the door open. 

I have another daughter almost 22 just diagnosed also.  She has cut me off and won't say why. 

It's a very lonely place being a parent to BPD kids.  Take care of yourself is all I can say. x

[Daisydreamer]

Hi @Mum_3,

Just checking in to see how you are going this week? Were you able to read the words of support from @Donna63 and @SJT63?

It's so hard sitting back and watching the people we love the most struggle, and not know what we can do to help them. You are in a really difficult position 💜 

@Donna63 the idea of sending the heart every month to let your daughter know you are there for her is a lovely idea. How do you find she responds to that?

[Donna63]

I sent the heart every month on the same say for over a year.  She came back!  She said in the early days she thought I was just trying to guilt her but when she had a medical emergency she knew she could call me because of those hearts.  It hasn't worked with daughter No. 1 so far.