Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

[Shaz51]

me too @Carmello 

and also the expectations of some family members for me

@Former-Member 

[Allanah]

Wanting to be more involved in the care of your loved one but time and money limiting how much you can help. 

Also wanting the best outcomes for them 

[Former-Member]

@Shaz51  Thanks heaps for sharing. Totally, work makes sense a driver of guilt, that's one I didn't consider. And interesting mention of family saying certain things, incrediby frustrating as when we're overloaded with carer duties.. it's less judgement and more support that we require, I am sorry to hear this.  Do you have a way to disengage when dealing with the families comments on top of carer duties?

[au_gust]

Especially when we can't meet these expectations for whatever reason.

[Former-Member]

Hey there @au_gust , welcome and thank you so much for sharing

Having negative feelings toward them, this is a very painful one incredibly afflicting, however is most definitely quite common. Do you get much respite yourself as a mental health carer? Or time to reflect? We're all here with you, please know you're not alone in that emotion. 🙂 

@Allanah  Welcome, thanks heaps for joining us tonight. You mentioned being more involved, what would more involvement look like for you? Hearing you for sure.

@Carmello Definitely makes sense. I suppose though without that time to engage with yourself, and with your own joy, your running on a half-tank. That time for yourself, that self-care is so imperative for not only your wellbeing but your loved ones I know sometimes it must not feel that way though.

[Carmello]

I feel friends and family do not understand the complexities of the person I am caring for and think I am too involved or too supportive . Let them manage themselves approach . Difficult to keep my own comfortable boundaries then. 

Hard to know how much to support sometimes .

[Former-Member]

I hear you on the complexities, it's probably easy for them to make some basic judgements at a distance without having the insight you do. @Carmello Boundary setting takes time, and it is important that above everything else they work for you. Thanks for posting this, appreciate you sharing your story with us

[Shaz51]

very true @au_gust , @Allanah 

Do you have a way to disengage when dealing with the families comments on top of carer duties? --- I will agree usually and then I will work it out for myself , it is hard at times

but at this time might change in the future is ( that I and my mum have arranged what and how much she needs  and wants me to do ) @Former-Member 

[Shaz51]

Do you have a way to disengage when dealing with the families comments on top of carer duties? --- I will agree usually and then I will work it out for myself , it is hard at times

but at this time might change in the future is ( that I and my mum have arranged what and how much she needs  and wants me to do ) @Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

Time is flying quickly tonight 😄 

On to Question number two crew! @Carmello  @au_gust  @Allanah  @Shaz51  And everyone else joining in..

Now that we have discussed guilt, let's consider the symptoms it creates. I know for me guilt then has a knock on effect of frustration and sometimes anger, which I then have to manage on top of the initial task at hand (usually by a decent session at the gym with the boxing bag !).

Considering this - what emotions do you tend to notice come up for you after the initial guilt?

[Shaz51]

me too @au_gust 

@Former-Member