Topic Tuesday // Managing Relationships// Tonight 7pm AEST

[chookmojo]

Hmmm. I don't avoid intimacy for fear or lack of safety.. It's just .... kind of unpleasant. Unwanted. Presumptuous. Like you don't want strangers holding your hand... 

I have zero issue sharing myself, I think I just am not comfortable with the part where they share back. I don't know what to do with it, don't really want it.

[Former-Member]

re the triangle concept... im not too sure if i completely understand it. When i think about what i want out of an interaction mostly i think i just want to be safe.. not in trouble, not to have upset someone and probably have far too many anxieties about what the possibilities of the outcome of the interaction could be to focus on the itneraction itself.. not even sure if that makes sense!! 

LJ

[Mazarita]

And yet @chookmojo I've noticed that you make really helpful and detailed suggestions to other people 'sharing back' to you here on the forum.  Is it harder to do that in 'real life' for you?

[Lindsay]

@chookmojo I love your use of metaphor!
I think sometimes we don't have to do very much with this part. Simply acknowledge it.

[Appleblossom]

Yep @chookmojocan be a softie

sorry mate ... dobbin you in.

[Lindsay]

@Mazarita trust can be an extremely difficult thing. Particularly when our trust has been betrayed in the past. It makes us wary of new people that we meet in our lives and their intention towards us. Although, not everyone is going to have bad intentions towards us.
I wonder how do others go about figuring out how to trust others and with what?

@Former-Member I think that you get the triangle concept! Sorry, I'm not sure that I explained it very well. I tend to use it when thinking about approaching a particular situation. It could be about telling your boss that you're not coming into work because your not up to it... Or it could be about telling your partner that you need more space. Does that make sense?

[Appleblossom]

i will take on the triangle concept ... I knew a fellow who was always going on about the blessed trinity in a cynical way ... didnt really twig to what that was about just maybe not be naive as we get older ...

and all the  superstitious ideas that stuff comes 3's ... etc ... was it Stephen Pinker who talks about triangulation in relationships ...

can you talk more about that please?

there is the first triangle of mother father child ...

[Lindsay]

@Appleblossomyou've touched on one of my favourite theories in family therapy. Unforuntately, I can't do it justice here. But check out this wiki page on the topic https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangulation_%28psychology%29

[Former-Member]

I think so 🙂 thanks @Lindsay

[chookmojo]

@Mazarita

Yeah, very much harder in real life.  I can make the appropriate words online to convey the apprpriate emotion, but in real life not so much. My body language and tone don't work with the words.